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Finding Freedom in Servitude

Hello Hurricane



"Hello Hurricane
You're not enough
Hello Hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
 
Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
But before It started building
I counted up these costs
Ain't nothing left for you to take away"
 
I've come to really relate to Switchfoots new song "Hello Hurricane".  OK so its not that new, but its new to me.  I feel like last week I lived through a hurricane of fear, anxiety, sorrow and disappointment.  Now after the winds of change have settled I inspect the damage.  When written down the list doesn't seem that impressive, but just because the list isn't long doesn't mean that it isn't costly.  
 
Last Sunday I found myself around a table with a bunch of friends, some I had seen since I had gotten home...some I haven't.  We were talking about my trip and then the discussion went to the vision of a house church that God had put on my heart.  Then we began talking about what a church would look like that didn't have a building, or religion, or tradition, or the control of man, and so on.  And by the end of it people seemed to be excited.  So we decided to come together again on Friday to talk more in detail and see what came out of it.
 
Honestly I said Friday because I knew this was something God had called me to, but I didn't think it would happen so quickly.  If I'm going to lead this thing don't I need to go to school, get a part time associate youth/young adults pastor job, and get married?  That was my finite human logic, and apparently I was wrong.
 
I spent the next week in the eye of a hurricane, designed to purify my motives and priorities.  It was a sobering week where I was reminded of the cost of leadership.  I had to respond and give up some things that were most dear to me.  But God had relentlessly been pursuing me since I got home, during a time that I really wasn't pursuing Him.  And he had laid out a narrow path for me to walk, that unfortunately wasn't wide enough for all the baggage that I'd picked up since I'd gotten home.
 
So once Friday night rolled around I was already tired and beaten.  But I really didn't need to say much.  God had assembled the people with the like-minded hearts.  There were no disagreements because we were all there for God and not ourselves. 
 
Now that I stand on the other side of this storm I feel a different weight.  Where before I felt the weight of trying to settle and live a comfortable life where I have a steady pay check, finally buy that house, get married and have kids.  Now I feel the weight that a loving God has put on me, that loves me too much to let me settle for that.  I feel a weight of responsibility for a movement.  One that is driven by God, and if I try to grab it or take hold of it I'll only hurt myself because it's barreling along too hard and fast.
 
This has been a hard reminder that I'll never be happy comfortable.  I come alive when I'm on the front lines.  When I'm scared and overwhelmed because i know what I've been dropped into can't be done in my power and that means that God has to show up.  And I love watching God show up.   It doesn't take away from the fact that I still mourn my losses from the hurricane but God is the infinite giver not the taker and He always makes what has cost us much worth all the more.

So I'm writing this blog to not only keep all my readers posted on the events of my life.  But to also thank God for the hurricanes in my life.  Even though they cause destruction, they also fan the flame in my heart that had gotten pretty lame looking.  Thank you God for not giving up on me.
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Three Nights of Passion



When I arrived in Atlanta on January 2nd for Passion 2010 I was a mix of emotion and thought.  On one hand the Passion Conference I attended in 2008 was pivotal in influencing me to go on the World Race in the first place.  On the other, I just spent the last 11 months worshiping God to acoustic guitars and drums but felt the Holy Spirit more then I ever had in my whole life.  And heard teaching out of a tool  shed but got revelation after revelation about the nature of God and our faith.  So I was a little worried that this superficial American conference/concert would make me gag.  But after 4 days and 3 nights of Passion music with Chris Tomlin, Fee, David Crowder, Hillsong United, Matt Redman, and Kristian Stanfill.  And speakers such as Louie Giglio, Beth Moore, Francis Chan, Andy Stanley, and John Piper...here's where I am at.
 
 During the first main session on Saturday evening, I began going through my checklist during worship.  Big...check, loud...check, flashy...check, fashionable...check, American...check.  So far it was what I expected it to be and I was a little disappointed.  But then Louie Giglio came up and spoke.  And on the opening night of a 4 day conference for 18-25 year old christians, he taught on how a lot of times God allows us to go through trials and suffering so that He can get more glory.  I was stunned.  On the opening night Louie told a bunch of college students that suffering is necessary in Christianity.  How bold...and counter cultural...and counter generational.  And it didn't stop there.  Beth Moore talked about how God equips us for His purposes but using suffering and hardship.  And then of course John Piper but the icing on the cake when He explained how life is about God and our primary purpose is to glorify Him.  So then once I got my head out of my bum I began to see the Holy Spirit was there in all aspects.
 
So whats my verdict on Passion?  I think in a world where there's christians on one side and the world on the other, Passion is trying to be cultural and biblical without selling out.  And I say kudos to you Passion.  Bringing Jesus to the world in a cultural and radical way without selling out is an art that most Christ followers never mastered and never will.  When Louie stands up on the stage and says that this movement is all about Jesus and His name lifted up...I believe Him.

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The Grass is Always Greener...



Well, I've officially been home for 2 weeks now, and it is good to be home.  I've had lots of time to catch up with family and friends.  I've also had plenty of oppurtunity to eat all the foods I've missed, drink lots of sweet tea and drive by myself.  Even though I've been home for 2 weeks, the best word I can think of to describe it is still "weird".  So much has changed since I left, but there are times where it feels like I was never gone.  Then there are times when I'm surrounded by the change that's taken place and I begin to wonder if I am actually home or not. 
 
I may end up eatting these words, but all in all the adjustment hasn't been as hard as I thought it'd be.  You hear all these horror stories of people going through major shock when they walk through Target and going through all these weird mixes of random emotions.  But when I came home I knew I was home and I knew I was where God wanted me.
 
Something that's truly dawned on me, especially today, is how much I've really glamorized home.  The last 3 months of the race were the hardest for me, each one getting harder as the time for me to go home drew closer.  And I realize now that I had made home, this mystical place where life would be better.  Home was where everything that God had for me would be waiting for me and that the hardships of the race would be a thing of the past.  Yes a necessary thing, but a thing of the past nonetheless.  
 
I realized this today when I realized that I had 24/7 internet access with broadband speed, my wii to play whenever I wanted, my huge man cave all to myself, my good friends to talk to whenever I wanted, etc.  But somehow I still manage to dwell on the fact that I'm unemployed, broke, have no cell phone, my friends are all busy while I sit at home, etc.  And even though it's great being home, home had disappointed me by not living up to the expectations that I'd set for it.  Mostly because I had put such lofty expectations on an event or people in my life that were never meant to bear that kind of responsibility.  And thats when the crushing truth hit me...the event of going home, my friends, my girlfriend, my things...they were all idols.
 
Whenever I had the chance to crack my Bible open or spend some time with Jesus.  I preferred to see if watching youtube for 2 hours would fulfill my joy.  Or instead maybe facebook stalk for an hour hoping someone would get online to chat with, but still no luck.  I've lived for the past 11 months, with minimal distraction from my walk with Christ and it was the most joyful and fulfilling experience of my life.  And now that I come home I see all these things as wonderful gifts from God, but none of them come close to giving me what He can, and its unfair for me to expect that of anyone or thing else. 
 
We're fickle people who are anxious to look at anything, but the situation that we're in, to find joy and happiness.  But I learned that because God brings us the most joy, and He is in all circumstances, that joy and fulfillment can be had anytime, anywhere and in any situation.  Typically, I would say I had to learn this lesson the hard way.  But it's His kindness that leads us to repentance, and that is most definately the case here.  God has blessed me in such abundance with several relationships upon my return and with the likely prospect of getting my old job back that I quit to go on this trip.  God's mercy and love for me is unbelievable. 
 
And while my life may look very different now, then it did on the trip.  My relationship with God is my constant.  I had a lot of repenting to do tonight to God.  It's good to be home and I'm happy to be home.  But at the end of the day, God didn't change, and neither did my circumstances...just my heart.
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On the Horizon



So, I owe all of you an apology.  I've tried throughout this year to keep all of you informed on what's been going on and celebrating with you all that God is doing.  But these past few weeks have been difficult.  I've found that as time has gotten closer to go home my motivation to blog has gotten smaller and smaller.  It's almost like I only have a certain amount of motivation and instead of using it on blogs I allocated it to staying engaged with my team and ministry.  But even that has gotten harder and harder.  By now there is no way I'd be able to recap all that God has done recently.  But I know that Teri and Sammie have both been on the ball so you can follow the links on the left of my page and read up on their blogs.
 
Please give me some time to get through Thanksgiving and then I'll plan on writing a much more descriptive blog on the end of the race and how re-entry is going.
 

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A Jesus Too Good to be True



Varasdin, Croatia is a pretty banging place.  Not because there's a lot to do here.  Or because some great bloody struggle started or ended here.  It's simply because of a couple of hospitable families willing to take some poor missionaries in and a rehab center full of disabled people who need Jesus.

Really, the whole town needs Jesus.  The large majority of the population attends Catholic mass.  But the Catholic church here freakishly reminds me of the pre-reformation Catholic church that sold Jesus for the price of a few good deeds and a healthy tithe. 

We're staying with a family that understands hospitality better then most Christians and has a heart broken for the poverty of others.  It's great to be in a home with a family setting.

The rehab center we're working at has a variety of men and women, both young and old with mental and physical disabilities.  Sadly a lot of people here would live normal independent lives in the states with proper care, but they've been denied that here.  Most of them lack hope, joy and a purpose.  Fortunate for them, those are all things that Jesus promises!  I intend to give them Jesus.  Not the Jesus of the legalistic Catholic church that wants good deeds and pardons from a priest.  But a Jesus that simply calls us to follow him and nothing more.  I've already been told that it's too good to be true.  So I'm pretty excited about how the next two weeks will look like. 

Please pray that we can stay focused in our last month and God will get everything accomplished in these remaining weeks.  Thanks for all of your support everyone...I'll see you soon!!!

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Tim's Adventure's in Ukrainian Court



So I know many of you had seen my Facebook status, or possibly heard from someone else that I had to appear in court in Kiev, Ukraine.  It is true, and a pretty good story.  So instead of doing this 20 times I thought I'd post a blog on my education of the Ukrainian judicial system.

So it was the 26th and our debrief had come to a close.  Most of the teams were leaving the same day for their ATL locations, except for Tikvah, the new worship team and us.  So we were offered to stay at the apartment in town that BLING and the Gentle Warriors stayed at all month, since it was paid for through the end of the month. 

So after lunch that apartment building was rocked by 20 world racers, with their big packs and mouths storming to the 10th floor trying to get situated into our apartment.  Apparently we didn't make any friends.  Thank God all but 5 people were gone that evening when the door bell rang.  To my surprise, I was met by two police officers who welcomed themselves into the apartment and began demanding "papers" in very broken English.  Now it probably was not fair to immediately project this onto these cops, but most cops you meet in these countries are corrupt and creepers...and they seemed to fit the part nicely.

I let them look at my passport and the others brought their passports as well.  He started to go off about something with my departure forms but I couldn't tell what because I spoke about as much Russian as he spoke English.  Steph happened to be out with a friend of ours (Galina) that was a native speaker but also spoke English very well so I gave her a call to see if she could talk to these guys.  I called her and thank God she was only 5 minutes away, so she showed up quickly and began translating.

It turns out, our "crime" was that in the address section of our departure forms we didn't have the apartment we were at.  In fact we didn't have any address because we didn't know where we'd be staying when we came into the country.  So once we established that, it felt like all hell broke lose.  Some of the girls began getting worked up because the charges were bogus and the cops were wanting to take our passports.  Galina was trying to talk to the cops but she was already nervous so when the girls got worked up and started shouting things at her to translate she got even more rigid.  Not to mention the cops were wanting to take our passports with them and make us pay a ridiculous fine. 

I was pretty anxious myself, but I tried to calm down the girls and asked them to make some phone calls about what to do and they also called the others and told them not to come back...which was a great idea!  I was also trying to calm down Galina and reassure her that she was doing a beautiful job (and she was).  But then try to figure out how to get these cops out of our apartment with our passports and integrity in tact.  We were told to tell them to either write us a ticket and we'll pay the fine or take us to the US embassy.  And if they're authority was legit they would be OK with one of those option, but of course they weren't.  They wanted us to either pay them there or let them take our passports so we could go to court in the morning and pay a fine.  But eventually we talked them down to only making one person go.  So after I told them I would go only if I could keep my passport they eventually agreed.  I had a court date for 8:30 the next morning and a flight to catch at 7:30 that evening!

So I volunteered to be the one to take one for the team (literally).  I made sure I had enough money for the fine just in case but I also had a bulletproof case ready to set before the judge.  Galina and I showed up at the address the cops had given us, hoping they wouldn't be there...but they were.  They were shocked to see us though.  They must have thought since we had no reason to show up since it was only our word holding us to it and not our passports.  We sat there as they wrote up a full report of what happened and then we went with one of them to the other side of town for him to file the report.  Then we went to another part of town to appear before the judge.  I had my case ready.  But as soon as she heard the case and read the report, she closed the case before I had a chance to say it.  This was a huge blessing since Galina had somewhere to be and I had to pack because we were leaving the country in a few hours.

So as much of a hassle as it was, it makes for a pretty cool experience.  And also call me crazy but I think I needed that.  I've been so tired lately, I think I needed that kick in the pants to shock me back to life and it worked.  Looking back that high pressure situation in the apartment made me come to life!  Maybe I should look into becoming a hostage negotiator when I get home or something.

But let's give credit where credits due:

1.       The police came when 5 people were at the apartment and not 21.

2.       Galina and Steph were not planning on coming by but they were on their way to the apartment and were 5 minutes away when I called.

3.       Galina had to be at the airport at 1 PM and I had to be at the apartment by 2 PM.  If we would have been fined it would have possibly added several more hours to the adventure because we would have had to take the money to the bank and get a receipt for it and take it to a different office for another receipt and take it back to the judge.  But the judge dropped the case very quickly.

I hope you're just as convinced as I am that God was all over that situation and answered a bunch of prayers.

                But anyway, we've made it to Munich, Germany and are very tired.  We'll be resting here for a couple days and will be catching the train to Croatia.  Thank you all for your prayers!

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A 10 Month Observation



                The book of Habakkuk is small and commonly overlooked, but carries a very timeless and crucial message for us all.  Habakkuk was a prophet of Israel during dark times.  The nation of Israel had turned from God; they were sacrificing to idols, killing their own children, and committing sexual sin; to list a few.  On top of that, the Babylonians (people more evil then the Israelites) were rising to power and were pillaging the people of Israel.  They were robbing them, killing them and kidnapping them as slaves.  Habakkuk was living during a time of fear, oppression and darkness. 

                Habakkuk feels alone, his people are evil and God is judging them with people more evil then they are.  Habakkuk naturally questions how God can allow this and still be good and holy (Hab 1:12-13).  Then God answer's him and defends His own goodness and sovereignty (Hab 2:2-20).  During this process, Habakkuk's heart is changed (Hab 3).  That must have been nice. 

If only we could just read it and have it become true to us in our hearts.  But girls get molested by their dads, children are starving, grandmothers get sold for drugs, and husbands beat their wives.  By looking at the world you would determine that God is either good but not in control, or in control but not good.  But He couldn't possibly be both...but He insists He is (Acts 4:24, Psa 143:10).  So I would like to investigate.

Now to understand how God is good and sovereign, let's look and see how He was good and sovereign in the beginning.  God made all of creation good, because He is good (1Tim 4:4, Gen 1:1).  And He ruled sovereignly over the creation He spoke into existence out of nothing.  Then He created man and woman, with free will, and He called them very good (Gen 1:31). 

Similar to the belief that God can only be good or in control, is the belief that either God is in control or we have free will.  Again, the scripture's teach that the answer is "all of the above" (Jos 24:15, Psa 111:6).  I believe that our ability to choose our own moral conduct solidifies God's sovereignty.  Because only a God that was totally in control of His creation, could give us free will without fear that we would endanger His will.  But if God is in heaven and we are mere puppets, then how can we be judged and held accountable for our actions (1Pet 4:4-5)?  God is in control, so we can have free will.

Now, because of our ability to choose, we chose rebellion against God and brought sin into the world.  Sin, death, disease, poverty, and the like are in the world because we choose for them to be (Gen 2:17).  All of us.  All the way down to our first parents, Adam and Eve, but really we're all responsible (Rom 3:23).  Because God is good and gave us the ability to choose, and we chose sin, He respects that decision.  And as long as we continue to choose sin, God will continue to respect that. 

But now that sin is in the world and His creation is no longer good, God must act.  He must continue His work in creation by using the sin that's marred it.  Only a sovereign God can use sin to fulfill His purposes.  God uses sin to prune and refine our character (Rom 5:3-5).  He also uses sin to demonstrate His own righteousness and show His glory (Psa 51:4). 

The fact that He uses sin to accomplish His will is also a testament to His goodness.  Sin is the direct rebellion against God.  For God to cleanse all of creation from sin and all those that are sinful, would be completely justified.  But God delights in giving us grace (Psa 149:4).  His kindness leads us to repentance (Rom 2:4) and His gentleness makes us great (Psa 18:35).  Jesus gave us a perfect picture of that and proved it once and for all on the cross.

A good God is in control.  It is only with this knowledge, can anyone who has accepted His free gift of salvation say with confidence, "we win".  If God is not in complete control and He is slave to the uncertainty of life and sin.  Then how can we trust Him and say we win a battle that isn't over yet?  But God is good and in control.  And one day He'll come and rescue His church and reclaim the world.  And all of our work to bring heaven to Earth will be finished.  Creation will be good again (Rev 21:3-6). 

So in the mean time, when you turn on the news and all you see is evidence of a fallen world.  Or when you personally are going through a tragic time in your life, remember the word He gave to Habakkuk.  "The righteous will live by His faith."  I don't know why it seems that all the unrighteous people are in power and authority.  I don't know why some girls are promiscuous for years without consequence but a girl gets raped once and becomes pregnant.  I don't know why people smoke their whole lives and live to be 80 but a baby gets a brain tumor at 2.  I just don't know.  But it's when we're exposed to all of these things that we have to stand firm on our faith that God is good and in control. And when we see these terrible things we have to remember that its not evidence of a fallen God, but evidence of a fallen world.

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Extrovert Paradise



                This may be a bold statement, but as of now Ukraine is in the running for one of my favorite months of this trip.  Kiev, which is pronounced Keev to the locals, is a beautiful city with a rich history and amazing architecture. 

                We are working with CCX, which is pronounced S-S-Ha, which is similar to Intervarsity in the US.  They primarily minister to university students, in the city of Kiev.  It's a very relational ministry where we attend English clubs.  There we talk to students and allow them to ask us questions about our trip.  Not only does this give the students a chance to practice their conversational English, but it also gives us a chance to share what God has done in our trip and in us.  Also a bonus is that they also ask us similar questions that we'll be asked when we get home, so we're practicing for that as well.  Also on Friday nights they have a movie night where the English students watch a popular American movie.  From the movie they practice vocabulary words and have discussion questions to make sure they understood the movie.  It's definitely a ministry that seems like too much fun to be ministry, but it's also a ministry where I wish I wasn't an introvert.  I love talking to the students and pouring into them, and I also love this city they just exhaust me.

                On the ATL front, it's looking like Team Manna minus one will be going to Croatia to work with physically and mentally challenged men and women.  Apparently the center is completely understaffed and there are people there that haven't seen the sun in years.  It sounds like an intense ministry, but one that will be good to end our trip on.  Also, yes you read correctly.  Team Manna will be down a team mate on our last month.

                God has been really raising up prophetic worship leaders in our squad this year.  So in our last month H-Squad will have a 9th team that will go to Berlin and work with Burn 24-7.  They'll lead prophetic worship for them and for some of their contacts in the area.  Steph Pridgen felt God calling her to this ministry.  And while she'll be sorely missed, we're all excited at what God is doing.

                So as you can tell, this has been a very busy week.  After a stressful travel time, to get here and set up housing and ministry here, do our ministry and then work on transportation, housing and ministry for next month as well...I need a day off!  Which is what I'm getting today, and it is glorious!  Thank you for your continuous prayers and support.  Please continue to pray for all of us for this month, next month and as God prepares us to go home.

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Kiev Coolness



                Well after several days of adventuresome travel, team Manna is finally settled into Kiev.  For me personally, this was probably one of the harder travel times for me.  One of the biggest reasons was that I was running a low fever almost the whole time and that over the course of 48 hours I got about 3 hours of sleep.  But that's travel for you, especially when you're a leader.  Probably the highlight of our travel experience was when 26 people tackled the Kiev metro with all of their big packs.

                But thank God we're moved into a new home for the next 3 weeks.  We were able to rent a room from a guy that runs a ministry in Kiev.  It's nicer then most of our homes have been this year.  Amenities include carpet, a dinner table, a toilet, hot water shower and a burner to cook on.  Maybe this is God's way of easing back into American society!

                We also met with our ministry contacts today called CCX, which is like a Ukrainian version of Intervarsity.  I was pretty pumped after our meeting with them.  Of course our ministry is going to center around ministering to college students, but we'll be getting to share our stories with them at English clubs.  We'll also have opportunities at bible studies and movie nights.  It's going to be a very relational ministry where we'll be making a lot of friends. 

                I already love this city, and am excited about what God has in store for all of us.  Please pray for our time here, but also please begin praying with us about our next month.  Our next month is ATL Europe so please pray that God would line up our ministry and location for us!  Oh and don't forget...it's Ukraine not "The Ukraine".  Ukrainians don't like that too much.

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Romania Pictures



Now that we're out of the black hole that is Africa, internet is much more plentiful.  So in record timing, here is the photo album for Romania.  You'll see photos from our ministry in Viile Tecii and from the conference in Brasov.
 
http://www.flickr.com/photos/t286/sets/72157622457521514/show/

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