I
find myself sitting in the living room of the apartment I'm sharing
with a few guys in Gainesville Georgia(yes Georgia, not Florida). In
case you were wondering, Gainesville is the chicken capital of the
world and according to the website it's “A great place to retire”.
But for me, this is a new season, a stepping stone to what's next
for me.
Saturday,
I came in around noon and unpacked. Some of the guys took me around
Gainesville and showed me town that afternoon, then that evening we
went to a korean bbq held by some of the girls that work for AIM
also. There I was reunited with some of my H-squad girls which
really made my day.
Next
week will be a busy week of preparation. The World Racers will be
arriving for training on Saturday. So this week we'll be putting the
finishing touches on the logistics of the camp, as well as going
through and preparing the leaders and trainers.
Please
be in prayer for me this week that funds would continue to come in.
Also that I would transition smoothly to living here and to
fellowshipping and worshiping with my new community. Also be in
prayer for this training camp, that it would run smoothly and that
God would really move in some spectacular ways.
It seems like I've been reminded a lot recently of how quickly your life can change. I say that because on July 17th, Lord willing, I'll be loading up the ole Exploder and moving down to Gainesville Georgia to work on staff with Adventures in Missions.
It wasn't an easy decision to make, but I went down there a few weeks ago to help out with a Real Life training camp and had an absolute blast! I would say it was the most alive I'd felt since the World Race. I had to leave early on Sunday because I had work on Monday but kept praying that my car wouldn't start so I'd have an excuse to stay longer. Then when I was asked to come on staff and help with the training camps I knew it was over.
The plan is to move down on July 17th. Once I start I'll be helping with the training camps. Both the logistics leading up to them and then being a trainer during the actual camps. I'm excited because Adventure's in Missions is giving me an opportunity to be a part of what God is doing in them and in my generation.
I know that this is what God has in store for me next, both because of the desires and vision He's put in my heart and because I've seen how He's blessed my efforts to pursue this. Right now the main thing I need to work on is raising support. This is not a salaried position so I'll need to raise my own support. The support raised will act as my salary. That money will be what I use to pay rent, eat and buy gas. For the first six months I need to raise $10,000. If your desire is to support me financially as well as prayerfully. Then you can click the "Support Me!" link to take you to donations page. It should already fill in my name in the attention field. Just make sure you select "Staff Support" in the drop down.
Some of you have followed me since I began the World Race. Others have started along the way. Regardless I want to thank you for being a part of everything God is doing in my life. I hope you're ready for whats next!
Yesterday was my 24th birthday, and it's a good thing my friends get more excited about my birthday then I do or else it would be no different then the rest of the 364 days in the year. I know that birthday's are supposed to be a celebration of you and the start of another year of your life but as messages from my friends and family poured in on facebook or on my phone, I realized that there wouldn't be much to celebrate if God hadn't surrounded me with such a great community of friends and family and friends that are family.
Now, with that said, some of you might be making predictions in your mind right now..."He's going to write on the importance of community and not doing life alone"...or..."He'll probably talk about the goodness of God and allowing Him to live another year." Those are both good ideas and I'll probably write on them eventually. But that would be way too predictable for me. Let me give you a hint:
"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." - Psalm 90:12
In general there are a few subject that we try to steer clear of no matter who you're talking to. One of those is death. No one likes to talk about death. And for good reason. Most of us have deep wounds or a hole in our heart that a deceased loved one has left. But if we're truly honest with ourselves, it's a little more selfish then that.
Death reminds us that we're temporary. Everyone's looming death, and the uncertainty of when, where or how it'll happens does nothing more then confirm in our hearts that we're fragile and that no matter how much we try to fight it...our life is not in our control. Solomon captured this perfectly when he says over and over in Ecclesiastes, that we are nothing but "a vapor".
So how do we appropriately respond to death and its uncertain certainty? Do we live in a bubble of fear, helmets and anti-bacterial lotion? No, the Lord tells us not to fear more then any other command in the Bible. What about to overload yourself with pleasures and experience to get the most out of life because you can't take it with you? If that's you're approach then you need to read what Solomon says about that in the book of Ecclesiastes. But he would use the words folly, meaningless and vapor a lot if you told him that to his face.
Most people think that their wedding day or the day, or the day they graduate college or the day their first child is born is the most important day of their life. I humbly disagree. Your last day is the most important day of your life. If God blesses you with a peaceful death surrounded by your loved ones. What will you're final prayer to Him sound like? Will it be one of sorrow and repentance like Solomon or one of gratitude and praise to God like Paul?
Because of Jesus we have nothing to fear from death, but don't forgot about it and don't let it rule over you. Decide what you want you're final prayer to be and live your life so that whenever the time comes you can pray that prayer. Personally at 24 years old, if I were to die today I could pray a prayer of gratitude and praise to God for all He's done in my life. And I hope that I can continue to say that every birthday.
I know, it's been a long time since my last blog. Don't get me wrong...I love blogging. But things have been really busy. I mean that is the typical excuse isn't it? No, if you want the real truth. God has been doing work in my life...major work. A part of me feels a little guilty about excluding all of you from it. I made a decision when I first started blogging to be as real as I could be with you all. The way I say it, I'm not my own. Which means I have no right to keep my successes, failures, wounds or other humorous blunders to myself. If I can have the courage to give them up to God, by His grace He can bless you through my life. But sometimes our stories and failures intertwine with others. And its hard to be open about yourself and not include the others.
Like I said God's been doing work, but it's involved people very close to me. Sorry to be vague, but it's all I can say. But to go back to my point, I have missed blogging. A good friend has encouraged me to start blogging again. The more I thought about it, I think if I made myself do it, it could be good for me. So I'll dedicate to you all to go back to the good ole days of the World Race and try to blog once a week. Maybe that way it'll motivate me to spend more time with the Lord and actually have stuff to say!
The other night I was reading through 1 Timothy, and I came across 1 Timothy 1:16:
"But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience, as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life."
Grace is a big deal for Christians. If it's not for you...then you need to read the Bible. But for people who put the foundation of their faith on God's love and grace, we tend to have a pretty weak understanding of it.
We tend to think arrogantly of it. We think that we can earn it somehow by doing works or taking part of rituals that will please God and show him we're good. Some people heap guilt and condemnation on themselves, thinking that by their suffering they can out do the suffering of Jesus on the cross. We also tend to think very selfishly of it. We think that God gives us a pardon because he needs us for this ministry or that work. Because he would be lonely in heaven without us. Like He's an insecure parent that we have wrapped around our finger.
Paul is acknowledging that he is the worst sinner. That he's done it all. But God had mercy on Him. Not because He was so diligent with his quiet times. Or because he beat himself up over his past mistakes. He was merciful with Paul so that others would be drawn to the Father. So that others could be freed, and healed and dance and celebrate and give glory to God.
I've been astonished time and time again at God's mercy and grace with me. He's put me in situations where I have no idea what I'm doing. But I know that God has blessed me there. Either with the wisdom to make the right decision, or by just opening my mouth and Him putting the words there. But I've been a terrible Christian lately, but it all just reveals my misunderstanding of grace. It's not about how good or bad I am, because I'll be bad the rest of my life. When are we going to realize its about how good He is?
"Hello Hurricane
You're not enough
Hello Hurricane
You can't silence my love
I've got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can't silence my love
Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
But before It started building
I counted up these costs
Ain't nothing left for you to take away"
I've come to really relate to Switchfoots new song "Hello Hurricane". OK so its not that new, but its new to me. I feel like last week I lived through a hurricane of fear, anxiety, sorrow and disappointment. Now after the winds of change have settled I inspect the damage. When written down the list doesn't seem that impressive, but just because the list isn't long doesn't mean that it isn't costly.
Last Sunday I found myself around a table with a bunch of friends, some I had seen since I had gotten home...some I haven't. We were talking about my trip and then the discussion went to the vision of a house church that God had put on my heart. Then we began talking about what a church would look like that didn't have a building, or religion, or tradition, or the control of man, and so on. And by the end of it people seemed to be excited. So we decided to come together again on Friday to talk more in detail and see what came out of it.
Honestly I said Friday because I knew this was something God had called me to, but I didn't think it would happen so quickly. If I'm going to lead this thing don't I need to go to school, get a part time associate youth/young adults pastor job, and get married? That was my finite human logic, and apparently I was wrong.
I spent the next week in the eye of a hurricane, designed to purify my motives and priorities. It was a sobering week where I was reminded of the cost of leadership. I had to respond and give up some things that were most dear to me. But God had relentlessly been pursuing me since I got home, during a time that I really wasn't pursuing Him. And he had laid out a narrow path for me to walk, that unfortunately wasn't wide enough for all the baggage that I'd picked up since I'd gotten home.
So once Friday night rolled around I was already tired and beaten. But I really didn't need to say much. God had assembled the people with the like-minded hearts. There were no disagreements because we were all there for God and not ourselves.
Now that I stand on the other side of this storm I feel a different weight. Where before I felt the weight of trying to settle and live a comfortable life where I have a steady pay check, finally buy that house, get married and have kids. Now I feel the weight that a loving God has put on me, that loves me too much to let me settle for that. I feel a weight of responsibility for a movement. One that is driven by God, and if I try to grab it or take hold of it I'll only hurt myself because it's barreling along too hard and fast.
This has been a hard reminder that I'll never be happy comfortable. I come alive when I'm on the front lines. When I'm scared and overwhelmed because i know what I've been dropped into can't be done in my power and that means that God has to show up. And I love watching God show up. It doesn't take away from the fact that I still mourn my losses from the hurricane but God is the infinite giver not the taker and He always makes what has cost us much worth all the more.
So I'm writing this blog to not only keep all my readers posted on the events of my life. But to also thank God for the hurricanes in my life. Even though they cause destruction, they also fan the flame in my heart that had gotten pretty lame looking. Thank you God for not giving up on me.
When I arrived in Atlanta on January 2nd for Passion 2010 I was a mix of emotion and thought. On one hand the Passion Conference I attended in 2008 was pivotal in influencing me to go on the World Race in the first place. On the other, I just spent the last 11 months worshiping God to acoustic guitars and drums but felt the Holy Spirit more then I ever had in my whole life. And heard teaching out of a tool shed but got revelation after revelation about the nature of God and our faith. So I was a little worried that this superficial American conference/concert would make me gag. But after 4 days and 3 nights of Passion music with Chris Tomlin, Fee, David Crowder, Hillsong United, Matt Redman, and Kristian Stanfill. And speakers such as Louie Giglio, Beth Moore, Francis Chan, Andy Stanley, and John Piper...here's where I am at.
During the first main session on Saturday evening, I began going through my checklist during worship. Big...check, loud...check, flashy...check, fashionable...check, American...check. So far it was what I expected it to be and I was a little disappointed. But then Louie Giglio came up and spoke. And on the opening night of a 4 day conference for 18-25 year old christians, he taught on how a lot of times God allows us to go through trials and suffering so that He can get more glory. I was stunned. On the opening night Louie told a bunch of college students that suffering is necessary in Christianity. How bold...and counter cultural...and counter generational. And it didn't stop there. Beth Moore talked about how God equips us for His purposes but using suffering and hardship. And then of course John Piper but the icing on the cake when He explained how life is about God and our primary purpose is to glorify Him. So then once I got my head out of my bum I began to see the Holy Spirit was there in all aspects.
So whats my verdict on Passion? I think in a world where there's christians on one side and the world on the other, Passion is trying to be cultural and biblical without selling out. And I say kudos to you Passion. Bringing Jesus to the world in a cultural and radical way without selling out is an art that most Christ followers never mastered and never will. When Louie stands up on the stage and says that this movement is all about Jesus and His name lifted up...I believe Him.
Well, I've officially been home for 2 weeks now, and it is good to be home. I've had lots of time to catch up with family and friends. I've also had plenty of oppurtunity to eat all the foods I've missed, drink lots of sweet tea and drive by myself. Even though I've been home for 2 weeks, the best word I can think of to describe it is still "weird". So much has changed since I left, but there are times where it feels like I was never gone. Then there are times when I'm surrounded by the change that's taken place and I begin to wonder if I am actually home or not.
I may end up eatting these words, but all in all the adjustment hasn't been as hard as I thought it'd be. You hear all these horror stories of people going through major shock when they walk through Target and going through all these weird mixes of random emotions. But when I came home I knew I was home and I knew I was where God wanted me.
Something that's truly dawned on me, especially today, is how much I've really glamorized home. The last 3 months of the race were the hardest for me, each one getting harder as the time for me to go home drew closer. And I realize now that I had made home, this mystical place where life would be better. Home was where everything that God had for me would be waiting for me and that the hardships of the race would be a thing of the past. Yes a necessary thing, but a thing of the past nonetheless.
I realized this today when I realized that I had 24/7 internet access with broadband speed, my wii to play whenever I wanted, my huge man cave all to myself, my good friends to talk to whenever I wanted, etc. But somehow I still manage to dwell on the fact that I'm unemployed, broke, have no cell phone, my friends are all busy while I sit at home, etc. And even though it's great being home, home had disappointed me by not living up to the expectations that I'd set for it. Mostly because I had put such lofty expectations on an event or people in my life that were never meant to bear that kind of responsibility. And thats when the crushing truth hit me...the event of going home, my friends, my girlfriend, my things...they were all idols.
Whenever I had the chance to crack my Bible open or spend some time with Jesus. I preferred to see if watching youtube for 2 hours would fulfill my joy. Or instead maybe facebook stalk for an hour hoping someone would get online to chat with, but still no luck. I've lived for the past 11 months, with minimal distraction from my walk with Christ and it was the most joyful and fulfilling experience of my life. And now that I come home I see all these things as wonderful gifts from God, but none of them come close to giving me what He can, and its unfair for me to expect that of anyone or thing else.
We're fickle people who are anxious to look at anything, but the situation that we're in, to find joy and happiness. But I learned that because God brings us the most joy, and He is in all circumstances, that joy and fulfillment can be had anytime, anywhere and in any situation. Typically, I would say I had to learn this lesson the hard way. But it's His kindness that leads us to repentance, and that is most definately the case here. God has blessed me in such abundance with several relationships upon my return and with the likely prospect of getting my old job back that I quit to go on this trip. God's mercy and love for me is unbelievable.
And while my life may look very different now, then it did on the trip. My relationship with God is my constant. I had a lot of repenting to do tonight to God. It's good to be home and I'm happy to be home. But at the end of the day, God didn't change, and neither did my circumstances...just my heart.
So, I owe all of you an apology. I've tried throughout this year to keep all of you informed on what's been going on and celebrating with you all that God is doing. But these past few weeks have been difficult. I've found that as time has gotten closer to go home my motivation to blog has gotten smaller and smaller. It's almost like I only have a certain amount of motivation and instead of using it on blogs I allocated it to staying engaged with my team and ministry. But even that has gotten harder and harder. By now there is no way I'd be able to recap all that God has done recently. But I know that Teri and Sammie have both been on the ball so you can follow the links on the left of my page and read up on their blogs.
Please give me some time to get through Thanksgiving and then I'll plan on writing a much more descriptive blog on the end of the race and how re-entry is going.
Varasdin, Croatia is a pretty banging place.Not because there's a lot to do here.Or because some great bloody struggle started
or ended here.It's simply because of a
couple of hospitable families willing to take some poor missionaries in and a
rehab center full of disabled people who need Jesus.
Really, the whole town needs Jesus.The large majority of the population attends
Catholic mass.But the Catholic church
here freakishly reminds me of the pre-reformation Catholic church that sold
Jesus for the price of a few good deeds and a healthy tithe.
We're staying with a family that understands hospitality
better then most Christians and has a heart broken for the poverty of others.It's great to be in a home with a family
setting.
The rehab center we're working at has a variety of men and
women, both young and old with mental and physical disabilities.Sadly a lot of people here would live normal independent
lives in the states with proper care, but they've been denied that here.Most of them lack hope, joy and a purpose.Fortunate for them, those are all things that
Jesus promises!I intend to give them
Jesus.Not the Jesus of the legalistic
Catholic church that wants good deeds and pardons from a priest.But a Jesus that simply calls us to follow
him and nothing more.I've already been
told that it's too good to be true.So I'm
pretty excited about how the next two weeks will look like.
Please pray that we can stay focused in our last month and
God will get everything accomplished in these remaining weeks.Thanks for all of your support everyone...I'll
see you soon!!!
So I know many of you had seen my Facebook status, or
possibly heard from someone else that I had to appear in court in Kiev, Ukraine.It is true, and a pretty good story.So instead of doing this 20 times I thought
I'd post a blog on my education of the Ukrainian judicial system.
So it was the 26th and our debrief had come to a
close.Most of the teams were leaving
the same day for their ATL locations, except for Tikvah, the new worship team
and us.So we were offered to stay at
the apartment in town that BLING and the Gentle Warriors stayed at all month,
since it was paid for through the end of the month.
So after lunch that apartment building was rocked by 20
world racers, with their big packs and mouths storming to the 10th
floor trying to get situated into our apartment.Apparently we didn't make any friends.Thank God all but 5 people were gone that
evening when the door bell rang.To my
surprise, I was met by two police officers who welcomed themselves into the
apartment and began demanding "papers" in very broken English.Now it probably was not fair to immediately
project this onto these cops, but most cops you meet in these countries are
corrupt and creepers...and they seemed to fit the part nicely.
I let them look at my passport and the others brought their
passports as well.He started to go off
about something with my departure forms but I couldn't tell what because I
spoke about as much Russian as he spoke English.Steph happened to be out with a friend of
ours (Galina) that was a native speaker but also spoke English very well so I gave
her a call to see if she could talk to these guys.I called her and thank God she was only 5
minutes away, so she showed up quickly and began translating.
It turns out, our "crime" was that in the address section of
our departure forms we didn't have the apartment we were at.In fact we didn't have any address because we
didn't know where we'd be staying when we came into the country.So once we established that, it felt like all
hell broke lose.Some of the girls began
getting worked up because the charges were bogus and the cops were wanting to
take our passports.Galina was trying to
talk to the cops but she was already nervous so when the girls got worked up
and started shouting things at her to translate she got even more rigid.Not to mention the cops were wanting to take
our passports with them and make us pay a ridiculous fine.
I was pretty anxious myself, but I tried to calm down the
girls and asked them to make some phone calls about what to do and they also
called the others and told them not to come back...which was a great idea!I was also trying to calm down Galina and
reassure her that she was doing a beautiful job (and she was).But then try to figure out how to get these
cops out of our apartment with our passports and integrity in tact.We were told to tell them to either write us
a ticket and we'll pay the fine or take us to the US embassy.And if they're authority was legit they would
be OK with one of those option, but of course they weren't.They wanted us to either pay them there or
let them take our passports so we could go to court in the morning and pay a
fine.But eventually we talked them down
to only making one person go. So after I
told them I would go only if I could keep my passport they eventually agreed.I had a court date for 8:30 the next morning
and a flight to catch at 7:30 that evening!
So I volunteered to be the one to take one for the team
(literally).I made sure I had enough
money for the fine just in case but I also had a bulletproof case ready to set
before the judge.Galina and I showed up
at the address the cops had given us, hoping they wouldn't be there...but they
were.They were shocked to see us though.They must have thought since we had no reason
to show up since it was only our word holding us to it and not our
passports.We sat there as they wrote up
a full report of what happened and then we went with one of them to the other
side of town for him to file the report.Then we went to another part of town to appear before the judge.I had my case ready.But as soon as she heard the case and read
the report, she closed the case before I had a chance to say it.This was a huge blessing since Galina had
somewhere to be and I had to pack because we were leaving the country in a few
hours.
So as much of a hassle as it was, it makes for a pretty cool
experience.And also call me crazy but I
think I needed that.I've been so tired
lately, I think I needed that kick in the pants to shock me back to life and it
worked.Looking back that high pressure
situation in the apartment made me come to life! Maybe I should look into becoming a hostage
negotiator when I get home or something.
But let's give credit where credits due:
1.The police came when 5 people were at the
apartment and not 21.
2.Galina and Steph were not planning on coming by
but they were on their way to the apartment and were 5 minutes away when I
called.
3.Galina had to be at the airport at 1 PM and I
had to be at the apartment by 2 PM.If
we would have been fined it would have possibly added several more hours to the
adventure because we would have had to take the money to the bank and get a
receipt for it and take it to a different office for another receipt and take
it back to the judge.But the judge
dropped the case very quickly.
I hope you're just as convinced as I am that God was all
over that situation and answered a bunch of prayers.
But
anyway, we've made it to Munich, Germany and are very tired.We'll be resting here for a couple days and
will be catching the train to Croatia.Thank you all for your prayers!
